No thanks to foresight
Teenager: Who am I?
The World: A teenager.
Teenager: That can’t be it.
Last night in my sleep, I went into a superconscious trance and opened a communication channel with my 20-year old self. He dropped out of college to become a video game developer.
“Hi dumbass, I am you from the future.”“Huh! Who’s that? I wasn’t doing anything!”
“Listen carefully now idiot, I'm in your head. I'll pretend I didn't see that. I'm 28 and there are philosophical constraints to superconsciously chatting with a younger self. I’m only allowed to give petty insults, one hint and answers to questions that you ask.
The hint is, I know exactly where to invest! You see where I’m going? Few simple specific stock-related questions and we can be cror…”“Who am I, like in the grand scheme of things who am I?”
“WHAT DID I JUST SAY? You are a bad listener, that's your identity mister moron!
I said I’m from the future. I know where to invest. So you should ask…come on sillynuts, I can’t tell you if you don’t ask.”“Ptch…how materialistic. Maybe you’ve forgotten but there’s more to life than money.”
“Coming from the guy who was searching for Deepika hot pics just now.”“Shhhhhh! Yaaaar, why should I waste this opportunity on financial advice? I get it. I end up broke so I should save money. I’ll do it. I’ll save a few lakhs before I quit my game development job. That should play out fine? Now tell me the important stuff. Masturbation doesn’t really lead to premature balding, does it?”
“Talking to you is like being a crouton drowning in a boiling soup of stupid. Yes, masturbation won't lead to hair loss unless you're doing it while getting a haircut. And you quit game development to start comedy. And you are shit at saving money which is why…Forget it, this is pointless.” Excuse me is this Aman’s superconscious chat group? Why, I’m his 50 year old self and I overheard you two squabbling. I’d say don’t worry lads. No matter what you do, you will struggle on a daily basis till 42. Every morning you will dress up your consciousness with a bib you call your identity. But at 42 mate, something clicks and then it’s as rosy as it gets. I have to go now. I’m getting late for tea. Remember, don’t drink water standing up. It’s bad for your knees.
“Do I become British at 50?”
“Fuck that uncle. He doesn't get it.”Thank you for reading “No, Thanks!” If you live in Pune, I’m performing at FC Road on Sunday 5:30pm. You can use this code: AMAN100 to get Rs.100/- off on your ticket. Here’s the BookMyShow link. If you don’t live in Pune, I have nothing to offer you except three magic words - like, share, subscribe!